Freewrite Entry: “Paradox”

Freewriting

She was a puzzle of mismatched pieces.  None of them quite fit another, as if they were each taken from separate sets and forced together.  She sat in mellow quiet, her incompatible pieces attached but unfixed, with no whole picture to display.

I wondered how one body could contradict itself in so many ways.  When she spoke it was like reverie for the ears, or some sound-induced trance that could dissolve the mind’s chaos like sugar in water.  Her voice alone held the dexterity to encase my unholiest of thoughts — but to comprehend the words she produced could unravel and break my sanity, and I would allow it.

She looked up at with me with eyes that encompassed their own moons, and our gazes hitched for a short but distinct moment.  Her stare was so intent that my body locked onto that single position in space, as if it were holding me there by some unearthly force; but despite her seeming regard, I don’t believe she even processed what she was seeing.  While I was so profoundly invested in her allure, I was merely but an obstruction in her line of vision.

Her eyes darted away, not for discomfort in our prolonged link, but as though her attention were due elsewhere.  When her thoughts shifted, her gaze moved with them.  I wondered what she was thinking.

As she pondered, I allowed myself to do the same, and I noted yet another discrepancy from the midst of our exchanged glance.  She was always looking with eager eyes, flitting impatiently, fierce and wide in their search for something, anything, I suppose; but never did she appear to catch sight of a desirable target.  With that finding I proposed her greed.  Her vision was too clouded by fantasies and ideals spawned from a mind blockading her from the world outside her head.  Nothing was worthy of her viewing, not even me.

She had a way of forcing unsettlement onto others, and I too found myself to be a contradiction in her presence.  I knew her delicate voice said nothing of the same effect.  I knew her mind didn’t race with thoughts of me; yet, here I stood, with no tolerance for pain, giving her full admission to my heart, and I knew she would shatter it upon entrance.  There was no logic in my staying but I never allotted myself time to consider it far enough for action.  Instead, I slipped on false hopes and unwarranted desires and didn’t wait for her to break my fall.

As I tumbled down, I must have lost a few puzzle pieces myself.

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